Crossroads

My husband and I are at a crossroads. 

(Does your crossroads look like this?)

Photo by Irina Blok on Unsplash

 We stared down the crossroad fully this week. There have been many events that have led to this crossroads, but this week was the culmination. We put our youngest child on an airplane

Photo by Shalom Mwenesi on Unsplash

to begin her 18-month mission for the Lord. We are now officially “empty-nesters.” The week before our oldest daughter left the nest. Last September our middle daughter left the nest. Our son and his wife had moved to the western United States about two years ago. In December, my husband’s employment was terminated. We are now sitting in a very big house in the suburbs of Atlanta, without children, without outside employment (I work from home and attend online classes) having to be together. What are we going to do?

I encouraged my children to develop a separate relationship with their dad. They have “things” they do with dad of which I’m not part of it. (I home schooled them their entire lives – that was “our thing”.) Last Saturday, our youngest and her dad went caving. I DON’T do caving! But, as I realized that soon, I would have to “fill in” for my children, I did sit through two Harry Potter movies with them (that’s more a kid thing than a dad thing – I DON’T do Harry Potter either). We did go for a walk with our youngest, not really a hike, but at least we were outside together. We all like Chinese food so we had that one last time together. We crammed a lot into Saturday before she left. I don’t really know if it was a “test” or it was natural. He has gone camping, built Lego, done sports, and has an ongoing pun contest with them.

Now, I need to fill in for my children. This will mean sitting through fandom movies (hey, I made it through Lego Movie 2 – we’ll try Captain Marvel and whatever the next Avenger movie is). I will do hiking (though I doubt I’ll ever get – willingly, at least – into the bowels of the earth) and if that hiking includes camping, I have a sleeping bag and tent. We all ready grocery shop together quite a bit. I’ve tried to actively listen as he has talked about the jobs he has applied for. (I have worked in the same industry as my husband and can follow a sterility assurance plan from almost start to finish.) If he takes up running again (well, none of the children really got into that), I may give it a shot. And I will appropriately groan through the puns (though I’m not sure if I know how to be the “straight man” in the pun world).

With him being home, he has tried to help “around the house”. I’m not very good at letting him. I do appreciate it though when he does the dishes, even though I feel a little bit guilty that he did them and I didn’t. I did offer to help with the yard work but he turned me down (thankfully). I love paper engineering and even though he doesn’t “get it”, he does try to buy me pop up cards and books (that was one of the Lego sets – it is so cool!).

These are the little things that help us turn towards each other, to strengthen our relationship. We may neither really like to do the "little thing" but as Alma, a prophet quoted in The Book of Mormon, "Now ye may suppose that this is foolishness in me; but behold I say unto you, that by small and simple things are great things brought to pass; and small means in many instances doth confound the wise" (Alma 37:6).

Photo by Gift Habeshaw on Unsplash

As we left the airport that day, we walked out hand in hand. We will be taking the next road together.

Photo by Melissa Askew on Unsplash

POSTSCRIPT: One of my classmates who reviewed this post noted that I could be more optimistic. He is right. I’ve reread this post and don’t know how to change it. Please know that I don’t feel like I’m sacrificing or being a hypocrite in making changes. I want to make these changes. I'm actually excited about the possibilities. I want to feel closer to my husband. This is what I want. I’m not being forced to change. What should be noted is that I used my children to keep me from doing certain things with my husband. It was easier. I thought I was letting them build that relationship with their dad and they did. But I probably should have participated more. And it will take little steps with full purpose of heart.