Same Sex Marriage - You Be the Judge

I had never read the opinions by the Supreme court judges put forward in regards to the Obergefell v Hodges case which allowed for same-sex marriage to be recognized in all states of the Union.  It’s difficult to read through the law jargon but I think I understand what most of them were saying.

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                What I found interesting was how the dissenting judges took their fellow judges to task for making a political rather than a judicial statement on marriage. The majority judges make a political statement rather than looking at the Constitution and judging on the case. As Judge Roberts stated, “Supporters of same-sex marriage have achieved considerable success persuading their fellow citizens—through the democratic process—to adopt their view. That ends today. Five lawyers have closed the debate and enacted their own vision of marriage as a matter of constitutional law.  Stealing this issue from the people will for many cast a cloud over same-sex marriage, making a dramatic social change that much more difficult to accept.” These are pretty harsh words.

                He goes on to state that marriage has not had to be defined as “For all those millennia, across all those civilizations, ‘marriage’ referred to only one relationship: the union of a man and a woman.” I did a little research and found something on the Romans view of marriage just out of curiosity. Romans did not even sanction same-sex marriage though they, mainly men, were prone to having same-sex relationships.

                Though the Supreme Court (with a majority, not unanimous) has ruled that the definition of marriage is changed (as well as several other countries throughout the world) that does not really change the definition of marriage.  

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As President Nelson stated in his address at BYU in 2014, “Disciples of the Lord are defenders of marriage. We cannot yield. History is not our judge. A secular society is not our judge. God is our judge! For each of us, Judgment Day will be held in God’s own way and time. We cannot yield.” He continued with “Man simply cannot make moral what God has declared immoral. Sin, even if legalized by man, is still sin in the eyes of God.” My favorite quote from his address though is “If they love Him, they will show that love by keeping His commandments,…”

                What does that last quote have to do with same-sex marriage? As we draw on our relationship with God, we want to naturally show our love for Him. He stated in the New Testament, “If you love me, keep my commandments” (John 14:15). I cannot find that God has changed the definition of marriage in the scriptures. In fact, in 1995, the prophet of God issued a proclamation which states, “We, the First Presidency and the Council of the Twelve Apostles of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, solemnly proclaim that marriage between a man and a woman is ordained of God.” Whether, you believe in modern-day prophets or not, God has not changed His standard on marriage. If we love Him, then we will keep the commandment that marriage is between a man and a woman, not between two people of the same sex.

                Perhaps you don’t believe in God and thus the above commandment may not seem to apply to you. I would like to share what Judge Roberts wrote:  the rulings [Loving v Virginia, Zablocki v Redhail, Turner v Safley] as stated by the majority “did not; however, work any transformation in the core structure of marriage as a union between a man and a woman.” These rulings still conformed to the traditional definition of marriage between a man and a woman. He also states in regards to the arguments by the majority of the Due Process Clause, “Our precedents have accordingly insisted that judges ‘exercise the utmost care’ in identifying implied fundamental rights’ es the liberty protected by the Due Process Clause be subtly transformed into policy preferences of the Members of this Court.”

                I believe God instituted the law of marriage between a man and a woman. I know He has not revoked that law or changed it in any way. I also know that nine Supreme Court justices sit on a   

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bench and determine the interpretation of the Constitution. I believe those who are rejoicing on this ruling and those who are not, need to carefully review how this law was put into place. This is about the constitutionality of a law. The laws of this nation are to be determined by legislation or by vote per the U.S. Constitution not by nine judges who do not have to answer to the people of this nation. I do not want such of my constitutional rights taken from me.  Do you?

Divorce - what should be done?

DIVORCE.  What a difficult topic to begin a series of blogposts on marriage.

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Personally, I have never experienced this heart wrenching event.  I have had family members who have though. I have had friends who have experienced divorce. It is difficult.  Marriage is difficult. 

I was raised in a two-parent, biological parent home.  My grandparents on both sides for generations back have not been divorced. I remember growing up that it seemed so sad when I found out that classmates were from divorced homes.  I marveled at how they were able to live in such a situation.  My close friends though were not from divorced homes.  I don’t think I purposely shunned those who were from divorced homes, we just didn’t have other things in common.  Since reading Paul Amato’s article entitled “The Impact of Family Formation Change on the Cognitive, Social, and Emotional Well-Being of the Next Generation” though I have received a bit of understanding perhaps why.  Not only were our family lives dissimilar but they had less chance of succeeding in school (which I was prone to do) and be involved in activities (church, lessons) in which I was involved. 

This distance from non-divorced changed dramatically when I went to college.  I attended a church-sponsored school and ALL of my roommates came from divorced homes.  These young women became my best friends while attending school that year.  We did everything together (well, almost).  I learned from them that when parents are actively involved in their children’s lives they can succeed at so many of the same things I did.  We would talk into the early morning hours about marriage.  I learned a lot about marriage during those discussions.  Thankfully, they came from families where the custodial parent tried hard to keep them central in their lives.  There was some acrimony towards the non-custodial parent but it was minimal.  The custodial parent seemed to try hard not to dwell on the bad (though it was difficult at times). They seemed primed to break the trend their parents had set.  I have since lost contact with most of them, but those who I have kept contact with are in stable marriages.

How did they escape the trend? I know it’s through taking the advice of leaders of the Church of Jesus Christ about marriage.  They married the right person, at the right time, in the right place to begin with.

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As most “courtships” at Church sponsored schools are a whirlwind affair, we all prayed together to help them know if the relationship was the best for them.  There were break ups (and college heart aches) during those college years as they learned that some relationships were not the right one for them.. Just marrying in the temple though, does not guarantee a happy, eternal marriage.  Being married in the Temple of the Lord is just the beginning.  After that comes the difficult work. 

It was interesting to me that the two secular articles I read had ambiguous solutions to the fixing the deterioration of marriage. Elder Dallin H. Oaks, though, in 2007 gave some solid solutions to “fixing” a marriage in trouble. First, was to overcome selfishness – consider the impact that divorce will have on your children.  He also addressed that counseling with one’s bishop, repentance, reformation, forgiveness, and prayer will help to bring a couple back together. These may seem like simplistic solutions to a complex problem, but wouldn’t it be worth it to try? Of course, he did not advocate staying in an abusive marriage.

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I’d like to end with this quote from Elder Oaks:  “Under the law of the Lord, a marriage, like a human life, is a precious, living thing.  If our bodies are sick, we seek to heal them. We do not give up. While there is any prospect life, we seek healing again and again.  The same should be true of our marriages, and if we seek Him, the Lord will help us and heal us.”

How do you think marriages can be saved from divorce?